I am going through a dark patch in my life right now. I am on disability and feel isolated from everyone. I know it is not their fault since they get to go to work and interact with other human beings. I’m not so lucky. I have a few things that keep my sanity levels from plummeting and I wanted to write them down so I can remind myself on what to do. Kind of like a life preserver, if you will.
My favorite music is from the 70s but I do like any kind. It helps to move around and otherwise, lift my spirits for that time.
They need to be taken care of, as well as myself. They get me up to go outside and play. Sometimes I wish I was a dog so I have absolutely no worries, especially if I had a very caring owner.
I have a mess of these and in all types. They help with keeping me focused on what I am doing right now. No worries about my ‘dark cloud’. Just me, a book and colors of pens/pencils.
My blog is like my friend that I can say anything to and not judge or get upset. If I want to write about my good or bad days, I do it. Some people who follow don’t like the ugly truth but it’s there. We all get them…I can just say them
These are just a few mind distractions that I use. I’m pretty sure I am missing a few but these are my go-tos. If you have any, please let me know in the comments. I would love to know how you handle your ‘Dark Cloud’.
Ah yes…the holidays. That time of the year, for me, I could easily close my eyes and wish it away. The whole season is just one push after another. Push…buy this. Push….Be Happy. Push, push push, push. My life does not consist of all this. Granted, it is nice to have people around to talk to but I have become more cynical towards people…no matter who they are to me. But that’s just me protecting myself and my ‘spoons’. I really don’t need to pretend to be happy.
First holiday to conquer is Thanksgiving. This one is a hard one since we do both families. Eat at one house, eat at another … just like most are doing on that day. Sucks we really cannot bring our boys since it gets chaotic. The next day is usually a recover day since I do not partake of the crazy, bat-shit shoppers. Then there’s the 4 weeks of commercials, holiday shows, and charities bombardment. Makes you wish for January to save you from all that!
Holidays play on my mental well being as well. Even though I am not diagnosed with depression, I do feel it more during this time of the year. I miss my dad, Rest his soul. I miss the fact that I will never celebrate this holiday through my own children’s eyes. I miss the feeling of being wanted and not only for the holidays because you have to. I miss having a simple life…no meds, no complications, no doctors, etc.
I wish I could work so I could have a purpose in life. I really don’t feel like I do. When I sit around the table with folks, I really have nothing to contribute. I just stare at them and politely smile. My life consists of Netflix, watching out the window and taking care of my boys. I’m limited with driving because of drop foot. Everything just makes me so angry inside that I wish I could just scream! I’m grateful for the two friends who I do see and hang out with. I’m grateful for my Internet friends who listen when I want to just crawl under a rock and die. I need a vacation from the holidays. I mean, seriously, who is going to miss me for one freakin’ day? I’m just done with it all. I don’t decorate and my tree stays up all year (it’s a live tree). My mind doesn’t feel right and it’s getting angrier.
So bring on the holidays of ‘pretend happy’. I’ll hide in my coffee and pumpkin pie. Have a good cry when I’m alone (which is a lot). Hope, as each day passes, the pain lessens in my body and my mind.