Posted in Everyday

Hair…Not the Musical

Lupus is a cruel mystery.  I am a true testimonial to that.  Here, I thought, I could start doing cute hair styles and be ‘girlie’, Lupus starts up with the hair loss cycle again.  As before (meaning before I shaved my hair off), I tried to do the comb over and it frustrated me more than anything.  The thought of ‘is that piece covering?’ lingered inside my head.  I have heard the whispers and seen the stares from people and it hurts.  People, if you are curious, then just ask!  Sheesh!  There is a polite way of asking versus staring at me like a freak.  Unreal.

Anywho, back to now.  So, I thought I would try to let the top grow out and shave the sides.  Well the shaved sides worked out great but letting the top grow long is just a recipe for disaster for me.  I forgot about knots in the hair which lead to finding hairs in my comb (saddness #1).  I run my hands through it and find a handful of hairs (saddness #2). Looking in the mirror and seeing these glaring bald spots staring straight at me (saddness #3).  It made me really sad that my hair is falling out again.  I don’t know if it is the styling products, hairdryer or my last coloring did it in but no matter how you look at it, it’s falling out.  I have said to many people that I am not attached to my hair but I was looking forward to having something.  But yesterday was my last straw!  I was steps to shaving it all off because I was tired of trying to cover.  Thankfully, the woman who does my hair has no reservation in doing what I want.  I told her I want it spikey and I understand that my spots will show.  Hell, they show now!  What’s the difference?  At least, when I leave my house, I know the spots will be visible and I expect that.  Not as before, I was afraid to wear my hat because it would mess up my hair or the wind or whatever.  Now I can just be me.  It is a freeing sensation since I always wanted this haircut and was told no so many times. But now I have it and I am me.

Yes, it is sad that my hair started to fall out again.  I figure Lupus does go through cycles and this is just one of them.  I do mourn for my former self…a lot.  I wish for not having so many pills, doctors, health problems, etc etc but then I think, I met so many great folks, learned so much about autoimmune (not just Lupus), I walk for the causes.

So today being Friday, I’m going to enjoy Friday.  It’s only hair and if people want to stare, maybe I will wave back if I catch them looking at me.  🙂




Just me trying to make ever day count.

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