I really don’t know what it is about this morning but something is off. Not really sure if it is my body or my mind. It is just sometimes my mind feels like it is in a cloud and there is no way of dissolving it. Maybe it is Lupus Fog where my concentration is for crap but it’s 7:30am, what am I concentrating to get fog from? Drinking coffee with vigor? I know I am a worrier and a high running person but today really doesn’t feel like that.
I often wonder what would happen if we didn’t have Facebook. I know I would not be connected to the wonderful friends and support system I have now. But there is so much anger and bad news every time I turn it on. Someone got shot, a fire, animals being abused, children missing etc. Don’t want to get involved with the politics! So I just hide them (the posts, not my friends) all. Maybe that is making me feel depressed and not wanting to care. I really do want to get tested for depression. A long while back, I did see a therapist and she was awesome! She had me do homework and journal each day until we met. Then she got a better job, which I am happy about, but now looking for a new therapist and trusting them, is so hard. In the back of my mind I’m thinking, is she going to leave again? Why put my heart and soul and then she abandon me? Yup, this fear is keeping me back. It sucks. Which goes back to my off feeling. Brain feels all fuzzy and I really just don’t care about other people’s news (good or bad). It’s like they can tell me X, and I just look at them with blank eyes as it goes over my head. Maybe it’s comprehension and fog.
Maybe I need a hobby since I sit day in, day out alone at home. Today, I am going to get my dogs accustomed to their ecollar. No real training, just 20 mins on then off. They only use these while we camp but I want to teach them to walk again without the pulling. i figure by Spring, we can start training since they will be used to having it on their body.
I am just hoping for a good day today. I try to think positive, good things, etc. I do some things around the house and then BAM, some joint pain or my favorite, the fallout from radiation in the form of I cannot pee without pain!
Here’s to cutting a girl a break….